Kiss Me Kill Me by Lauren Henderson

Author:Lauren Henderson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Death, Fiction, & Detective Stories, Mysteries, Espionage, Europe, Bullying, Murder, wealth, Bereavement, Grief, Schools, School & Education, Death & Dying, Social Issues, Detective and mystery stories, Social Issues - Death & Dying, Juvenile Fiction, Popularity, Mysteries & Detective Stories, Family & Relationships, Dating & Sex, Orphans & Foster Homes, Self-Help, People & Places, Friendship, Social Issues - Dating & Sex, Family, Mystery & Detective, Bullies, General, High schools, Mysteries (Young Adult), Children: Young Adult (Gr. 10-12), Orphans, Children's Books - Young Adult Fiction
ISBN: 9780385734882
Publisher: Delacorte Press
Published: 2009-01-13T04:24:37.829000+00:00

eleven

MILLSTONES AND ROPE BURN

There’s a ping as another e-mail comes in. I stare at the sender, unable, for a moment, to believe what I’m seeing. Then I grab my mouse and click on it, hoping against hope . . .

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject:

Stop ringing me and Luce. We don’t want to talk to you. Plum and everyone are really picking on us cuz we were friends of yours which is COMPLETELY UNFAIR and it’s doing my head in. Don’t reply to this. Luce says the same but she is so cross with you she wouldn’t even write to you. Just pretend that we don’t exist, like that day you went off with Plum and sat on her stupid fountain. We’ll NEVER FORGIVE YOU.

I delete it so fast my fingers almost scorch the keys.

Sometimes I feel even guiltier about betraying Luce and Alison than I do about Dan’s death, because I don’t know how Dan died, or what I did to cause it. But Luce and Alison—I know for certain it was all my fault.

There’s no one I can talk to about this. And because I can’t talk about it, I feel as if I’ll never be free of it. Dan is dead, and his death will hang around my neck forever. There’s some expression like that, I think. Having a millstone round your neck, that’s it. And what I did to Luce and Alison—turning my back on them, walking away from our friendship—is a millstone, too. My guilt is weighing me down, pressing on me so it feels hard to breathe.

I have to get out of the house. It’s five-thirty. I was going to do some homework, but now my mood’s so bad that I can’t concentrate. I thunder down the stairs, taking them two at a time and raising a complaint from Aunt Gwen, who’s in her office marking essays. I barely register her, though, because I’m thinking about millstones. They’re big and round and they have a hole in the middle. I expect the idea came from that hole—you imagine having a big heavy stone slung over your head, hanging round your neck, so heavy that you could barely stand up under its weight, let alone walk or run. That’s what my depression is like, a weight so backbreaking that it’s a real struggle to act normally—worse, sometimes I don’t think I even know what acting normally is.

I killed someone. Someone I really liked. It’s not just that Dan is dead, it’s that my dreams of getting to know him, going out with him, maybe even falling in love with him, have been shattered. And I never kissed anyone before. It was the most amazing kiss, and it was over almost before it began. I’m scared I’ll never have that again, an incredible physical connection with a boy. I’ve lost something that I only had for the briefest moment, but was the best thing that had ever happened to me in my life.

Oh yes, and I betrayed my two

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